my heart is strengthening and breaking all at once.

i can almost see it happening.

i have been reading alot of poetry.
for school, of course.
i cannot stumble onto meaning alone, you know.

lawrence ferlinghetti is the man of the moment.
he founded a little book store that i hope to visit one day:


I Am Waiting by L. Ferlinghetti [1958]
(last stanza)

I am waiting
to get some intimations
of immortality
by recollecting my early childhood
and I am waiting
for the green mornings to come again
youth's dumb green fields come back again
and I am waiting
for some strains of unpremeditated art
to shake my typewriter
and I am waiting to write
the great indelible poem
and I am waiting
for the last long careless rapture
and I am perpetually waiting
for the fleeting lovers on the Grecian Urn
to catch each other up at last
and embrace
and I am awaiting
perpetually and forever
a renaissance of wonder

today, i am writing a paper about this:
then, i am drinking this to get better:

(morroccan mint tea.)

then i am getting in a car with this girl:
and i am going here:


it's going to be so nice.

it's warming up.

in like a lion (always winter) by relient k
...
when february rolls around i'll roll my eyes
turn a cold shoulder to these even colders skies
and by the fire my heart gives a sigh
for the green grass waiting on the other side
...
it'd be so nice to look out the window
and see the leaves on the trees begin to show
the birds would congregate and sing
a song of birth, a song of newer things

the wind would calm the sun would shine
i'd go outside and i'd squint my eyes
but for now i will simply just withdraw
sit here and wish for this world to thaw



my world here is thawing.

temperatures are going from 20s to 60s
and i am feeling myself begin to emerge
new.
lately i have been less afraid...
or more bold.
as practicality sets in i find new ways to dream.

my faithful nikon has come out of hibernation
and my moleskine is beginning to overflow with words
as i am given opportunities to write what has been inside.

i have been learning how to live
as only living can teach.

i am anxious to see everything.
travel is always on my mind.
(and the fear that i'll never be brave enough to do it)

now being happy with company and growth.

watching the world thaw around me.
letting sun shine through
on this temporary spring.